I've had a wierd thought.......... I think Josh was bipolar and a pathological liar, well the pathological liar part is true definetely but i think he may have had an element of bipolarness. I mean he did have high highs, like he would get really happy at times, and then get really down and sad and want to be by himself. So strange, i dont understand it. I could be right, i could be wrong but i think maybe did suffer from some form of it. Just a hunch, i don't know why i didn't see it earlier though! He would get really down and make me feel guilty and want to cry and we would fight tons over the phone. It could have been that...

So long has passed and i know i should not be thinking about him but the truth is that i don't think i will, well at the moment not anyway. I have not been in such a deep relationship since him or managed to fall in love with someone else again. He will affect the type of person i date now. I honestly don't know how i put up with him for so long.

I think the reasons why i broke up with him are clearer to me now, or maybe not

a) I Was going away to university and didn't want to tied down to him

b) He wore me out and wore down, i sacrificed a lot for him and yet it was never enough, i was just so tired of dealing with him and how he would react to things

c) Going away to hawaii i was freed from him and could do things without thinking about him and i liked it, i did not miss him at all, i realised then that i didn't need him in my life anymore

d) I was happier without him then with him, being with him made me stressed out

e) In Conclusion i had fallen out of love with him

That night i broke up with him i cried myself a little to sleep, but it wasn't as much as before, i think i was much happier to have lost him and ready to lose him. For once, i had to care about myself, i gave of myself, i lied and did things behind my parents back. He was more bad than good.